I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
