I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
