this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
