you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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