I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
