The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oh god the rape fog is back!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize