how can u be prego again
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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