remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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