Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
