we made out on top of his cat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize