I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
