So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
