You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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