Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
