billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would ride that face into the sunset
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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