You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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