don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
