I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize