enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize