I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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