Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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