what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize