Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
