in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
