dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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