i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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