hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
