I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
