I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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