Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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