Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The Olympian is in my bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
