I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
