That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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