Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
