I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
