I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
