Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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