so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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