Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
