Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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