There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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