Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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