i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize