perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
