I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
