You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
