I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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