I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
