i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize