He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
