what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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