You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
