Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
