U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize