The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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