On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
