He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
