In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
