He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize