I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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