Can i not drive my cunt home
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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