My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am spending my child support on dildos
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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