i can't believe i had my finger in that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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