Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
