There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
