i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize