It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
