It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
