Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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